Blah
So I went to the queer awareness wrap up party. I just felt so out of place. The music is so loud it makes me feel dizzy and I can't stand having to yell at people. Any subtle conversation is lost. And I just end up acting like a dork and talking about school stuff with people and being very repetitive. I hate clubs because I have to yell and I already feel like a loud obnoxious person to begin with so after a night of yelling I feel like a total jerk. I also always end up ordering too much to drink when I go to the club. This didn't happen last night. But lately whenever I drink I'm filled with a sense of guilt in the morning regardless of the consequences. I just hate cool social society. It bothers me oh so much. This morning I went for a long walk and considered the possibility of swearing off alcohol and cigarettes for good. But Then I was like blah life is so blah what's the point of trying to be healthy and sober. I do want to cut down on both so I will try despite my blah attitude towards life.